Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
