Cold hands, warm shart.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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