Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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