just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
