he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dear god my vagina.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
