drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
