nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Randomize