you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
high people should be assigned attendants
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
