Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
