So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
