From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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