ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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