the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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