so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
