All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
