I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
