I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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