I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
