i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
