Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
