I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
