i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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