now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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