i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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