My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
