Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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