Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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