if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
