My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
