Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize