we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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