were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party