I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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