She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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