You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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