Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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