Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
