It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize