My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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