She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
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i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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