Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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