listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
