so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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