but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
