That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
