Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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