Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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