Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
