i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
