I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I smell like Dick and happiness
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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