so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
