Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
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One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
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I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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