tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
