Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
