So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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