mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
