it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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