I wish I could teleport
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
