Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
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And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
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Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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