so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
