You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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