We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
