I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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