I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
